When I started reading this book on Sunday, I thought this post was going to take a very different direction. Admittedly, it felt a little on the nose- I chose it right after the horrific events in Charleston, though it’s been on my list for a long time. But I do find myself a kind of inspired I haven’t been in a long time based on what’s transpired in the past week on a national level, so this is likely going to be a slightly less dark posting than I thought I’d write.
In choosing Columbine, I wanted to understand the facts of the case minus the myth. It’s still impossible to comprehend how humans can do such awful things to other humans, even with intense analysis and mountains of testimony, which this author really artfully brings together. There are no excuses and no justifications and there is admission on the part of Dave Cullen- a journalist who covered the tragedy- that the media got a lot of things wrong. The book is staggering and stunning, in the most intense sense of the words.
I’m pretty sure Columbine is the second large scale tragedy I remember clearly- the first being the Oklahoma City bombing, though I think I recall learning the aftermath more than hearing about the actual event. It’s absolutely horrifying to count how many more I’ve been aware of since, including just last week. To say it’s way too many is an understatement and it never, ever gets easier to hear about another shooting or bombing or awful act among human beings.
This week especially, I’ve noticed that there are two different types of chills you can get. You can get the chills when you’re horrified to learn details of a shooting, whether it took place in 1999 or just last week. Those are heart breaking, heart wrenching, horrifying chills that make your stomach fold in on itself and force you to question the very foundation of humanity. Unfortunately, we collectively feel these chills way, way too often. We get them about shootings a whole lot lately, but there are plenty of reasons for that painful kind of chill to creep in.
But then there are the good chills, like when you feel incredibly inspired by your leaders and energized by your friends and thrilled for all of the people who finally, at long last, get to go anywhere in the country and have their love recognized. Maybe they’re from watching a YouTube commercial, or seeing your president sing a song that speaks to his own spirituality in front crowd of thousands after delivering a historic speech on equality earlier in the day, or simply from a CNN alert that makes you think about how many friends and acquaintances and strangers get a universal right that has been unjustly denied for too long. They’re the kind of chills that give you goosebumps and make you want to hug the world while smiling broadly, that force you to click like or heart or star on every supportive post on social media and use the entirety of the rainbow inspired emoji arsenal. We don’t get those as often, at least not on a widespread and collective scale, and yet they often signal huge victories and steps forward. Even though the balance is off, they can be life-affirming and purpose-fulfilling.
They don’t outweigh each other, and they certainly don’t cancel each other out. It’s hard for your heart not to keep hurting for victims of senseless crimes- again, present day or past. But in the midst of the humanity-questioning and the near-constant disappointment and the gut-punching Jon Stewart clips, heartening moments can be found.
Good exists despite bad, and when we’re lucky, love can be stronger than hate. Pretty sure that’s the best part of this world.
You’ll like this if: look, hopefully you don’t like this book. Hopefully you’re bothered by the book and mostly bothered by the lack of gun control and regulation and hopefully it encourages a whole lot of people to take this on as our nation’s next big issue.
Happy reading!
carlyreads 