I’d estimate that I’ve listened to I Wish I Was by The Avett Brothers roughly four thousand times. (Give or take.) Per Spotify data, it was my most listened-to song in 2018. Something about the tempo, the strings, the rising and falling tension – I just can’t resist it.
But even with hours of listening, it took me until late that year to realize that the song starts with a deep breath.
It’s quiet, almost imperceptible. If you just let one song bleed into the next, you’d be forgiven for missing it, thinking it was just a longer silence before the song starts. Hearing it is like a little magic trick, or maybe a reward for listening to it so many times.
And because I was floored when I heard it, and because I can’t keep anything to myself, I told some other people about it. And they’d never heard it before either, but once they knew to look for it, of course it was there, and of course it had been there all along.
This Is How It Always Is came a couple of years ago as a recommendation from Emily after she replied to an email in which I asked my friends “what’s a book that’s changed your life that everyone should read?” (Here are their replies.)
At first glance, it’s a story about a family coming to terms with a child’s identity. In the book, you’ll find themes about love and family and acceptance – all expected in a story that’s described as this one is. But on the theme of discovery – when you get even deeper and spend some more time with it, you find themes that are less overt.
The one that stands out the most is that of a pursuit of happiness, and at what cost. It’s clear that the family would do anything for a sense of peace and happiness, taking actions both extreme and tiny on first glance. Surely one of these things will work. And yet, at one point, the line: “But happy is harder than it sounds.”
And isn’t that just sort of the core of it?
That quote also stuck with me because it reminds me of the gut punch line in Lady Bird, delivered in the third act: “Some people just aren’t built happy.” Is there something inherent in us that leaves us open to the possibility of happiness, or are there people who will never – try as hard as they can – find it?
For the Walsh-Adams family, this is a challenging question. And for them – what is the truth they’re looking for? And when they find it, will it be like that breath in the Avett Brothers song – imperceptible at first and then ultimately undeniable?
You’ll like this if: you want a book that explores identity and acceptance in a very readable way.
Happy reading!
Other Suggested Content
– May It Last – HBO documentary about the creation of True Sadness (trailer here)
– Avett Brothers Tiny Desk Concert (2009)
– Books that have changed my friends’ lives: List | Amazon Wishlist
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