pandemic

“The only way out is through.”

That’s the admittedly hackneyed phrase that has been ringing in my ears for weeks. I’ve had some time to think about what it means – and more specifically, what it means to me.

I find it comforting at times – there’s something beyond this uncertain moment. This is a thing we’ll get past and get out of, as long as we get through it.

I also find it terrifying at times – there’s no easy out here, no fast forward button. The only way out of this is to live through it, which means experiencing it fully before it’s over.

I’m an extroverted hypochondriac, which makes a pandemic-induced shutdown my perfect storm of anxiety. My two most defining characteristics mean that I don’t want to go anywhere because I’m concerned that I’ll infect others or get it myself, but staying home and limiting interaction makes me want to crawl out of my brain.

Needless to say, I’m feeling a lot of things right now. This is so hard. This is so scary. Everything feels huge and tiny all at once.

There’s another line that that’s also been rattling around in my head more recently, courtesy of the Harvard Business Review article we’ve all been sharing. “Emotions need motion,” it says, among things. (Read it if you haven’t.)

It’s a nice complement to the above – we have to feel all of the things we’re feeling in order to understand and ultimately move past them. It’s almost involuntary – for our grief and fears and anger, the only way out is through.

So what to do with all of these emotions that need to move?

Years ago, I created carlyreads when I was looking for a constant and an outlet. Now more than in most moments, I need both. So I’m coming back.

The truth is, I’ve been plotting this return for a while. It’s somehow never really felt like the right time, but I think that’s been a different anxiety talking. I’m not sure when would be more appropriate than at this moment when it feels like the world has come to a complete halt – especially since you probably now have a little more time to read.

Not going to lie – the first several posts may feel a bit weird. I’m going to kick it off with the relaunch I wrote months ago, because I like it and there is no point in wasting it. And then I have some posts I’ve completed over the past year that will probably feel like they’re from a different world – because they are. Eventually, I’ll catch up to present day, and I imagine you’ll be able to see the difference. We’ll get there in time.

Until then: stay safe, stay sane, and stay home. Call me if you need me. Support individuals and communities however you can.

And don’t stop washing your hands.

Happy reading! (About something besides coronavirus, I hope.)

PS – how timely is my last post? If you’re also watching the Hulu series, let’s chat.